OLD FLAMES MAY FLARE FOR LITERATURE JUNKIES - SHORT STORY IN ENGLISH

OLD FLAMES MAY FLARE WITH A TINY BREATH OF AIR SHORT STORY IN ENGLISH

Prologue
Because it’s my ending day.

(While leaving through the gate)
Archer: I am never going to comeback.
Clara: Forever. Every step you will take away from will eventually leads you toward me.
Archer: Dreaming high is good but being high on something is bad as well. Laughs.
(They shared a smile. She, a muffled one and he, a mocking one.)

Life has long been departed from here, it all death don't knock the door of death or this deadness will spread all around.

Life has taken her to a point where everything seems so fascinating, every bit of my life seems colourful, and every day is taking me where she wanted to go. she felt like the sun has risen for her the moon appears only for her but these stars their shine makes her remind of all the darkness that can spread things that she have never said. In these colourful days the colourlessness seems so strong the smile may hide the tears but the heart her poor heart! It still beats fast when it knows that Archer is not fine.... she does not know what soul connection is.... 

what's the reality of this.... but the bond the connection that she had with him never seems to be fading away it keeps growing strong and strong because the roots were so deep just like a tree that stands even when all the greenery is gone...whenever writing to him, her hands never stop they want write so much so that this night this day seems so small to do so that but she still writes to him thinking that even if he didnt get to the depth of these words her message is still conveying to him... Being a famous blog writer, Clara send this passage to her blog so that maybe somehow this msg could be delivered to Archer.

CC Pixbay

Its been 5 years since she is doing all this but that miracle never happened nor did the messiah of her life named as Archer comes back to her. May once the precious thing is lost can be regained. May be paradise once lost cannot be regained.

clara  is in her room . She hears a knocking!! ,
knocking! , knocking!

No, No! Wait there is no one on the door. This knocking is from inside her mind. She seems calm from outside but inside her was a tornado breaking her soul, make her feel alone and push her to the point where she questions her own existence. Here when I am in this mantle asylum, I see no light here, I see no one here still you are everywhere. Now when someone knocks at my door.
Knock, knock.
Rather than asking who is there?
she ushers to say
don’t knock no one lives here.

she turned off the lights in the room and lights up a lamp. Messy hair, sleep deprived eyes, dull face, she bangs her head on the wall then comes back to writing table and compose some verses for her upcoming novel “ long lost lover”. “I m missing you at this particular time. I feel close to no one .May be I m need of no one but what is the gap I feel inside me what about these feelings whom I feel them for. 

You are not there, you never were there, and you never meant not to be there. I brought u here I let you in. You are so far away just like stars that are fascinating in sight but could never be reached but the very sight of you is enough to keep me going and living my life happily. Everything feels so empty when you remain away even with this emptiness I still feel your love, the imprints you have left on me are so strong that they might be just enough for keep me going ..But there never comes a feeling of “Enough" when it comes to you. 

The earth is silent now and world has turned dark. It’s not a place she is talking of it’s her mind where the battle will be battled. I let you to go so deep in me. Now you seem drown somewhere not in my depth but some where else. You made no promise but what is the bond that keeps my binding with you...Its the time when my heart has nothing to feel around, my ears dnt get to hear any voices but these hymns of surroundings, my eyes are wide open but there is no sight I can see may be my vision doesnt allow me to see anything but you. Now I can’t see any thing. My hands have no other hand to hold, no other shoulder to cry on. 

There is something still unsaid, still to be unveiled, still to be seek, still to be told ..” and then she turns off the lamp and walks madly into the room.

Many days have gone by, Clara is still in the dilemma of saying what she actually is going through. But as always words can never do justice to what she feels and reminding herself of the fact that if her feelings will be known by others and mainly him, her world may collapse. One second of not seeing him passed like eternity. All those moments she has passed with him. All those little cherishment’s she had with him. All the talks they did, all those naughty quarrels and some the smiles they pass, now keep on haunting in her mind. But where did it all starts, no one knows that. May be it begins from the first moment they met or may the last moment they were together.

Dear Archer,
and in every passing moment I feel the need of you.
Every second your thoughts keep wavering through my mind keeping me restless, leaving me disturbed and giving some unnerved feelings. By not being there in the present but staying in every bit of my past, you make my future so uncertain. 

And then the word YOU makes me feel numb once again and a long chain of silences start again and again and over and over again may be till eternity this remains the same.

Her mind was so obsessed with the feelings that weren't able to cope up with her life. She wept and with open eyes weaves her own dream saying her love out to no one but only to the shadow in the mirror. Wishing that he might be there to listen what remains unsaid. Uttering a silent prayer in heart, she thinks that one day she will cry on his shoulder and let all her pain out...She wishes to be able to convey that how it feels like to have everything but not enjoying anything. Sometimes words aren't powerful enough to tell how strong the feelings are and how deep things hurt. Life would be so different if I m not in the way I am. Life wouldn't dismay if he had stay ...It feels suffocated to stay inside own thoughts. I wish I can tell you that even after staying so far. You r so close to me ....that you even touched my soul. You become the voice of my words and life to my death. Death that ends everything but gives birth to something that always remain unknown.

                                                                                                 Yours and only yours

                                                                                                      Clara

Back in time things were different it was a night of November when somewhere in the middle of night, she wake up and things started coming out differently. Finding herself next to him she falls in his arms comforting herself, cuddling in way as all fears went out and the sense of protection spread all over her being. Unveiling herself to him believing that he will accept all her scars. Music dripped down every touch as if the rain has touched the walls of an old house. Her world seems to fall in him.
She was an open jar lying beside the stone where the rushing water from a waterfall comes to collide, and he comes like the reflected drops of water with a stone, in a row one after each, frequent and disciplined to fill me, but will he be able to do this, I have large space to keep you in.
As if he was a ray of sunlight came after weeks to a so called alive drooped flower in a garden, who have battled with the fate, not to die. She spares many of her years to have this particular moment and when she gets the privilege to able to experience that how beauty comes out of pain. Once again some fears crept into her mind and she becomes melancholic.
Tell me that if I will open my eyes this dream is not going to end. And if it is a dream I don’t want to wake up
Clara: “If it is an illusion ...I want to stay in this utopian world forever. If it is my imagination so I never want to know what reality is? If time want to erode all this from me, I want to be in nothingness.”

Archer: “I don’t promise that things would be like this till the end but I promise that every moment you will spend with me I will make them worthwhile.”

A writer is always weaving something in mind. She composes her feelings and cried through words for the greatest loss of her life. “ Life has taken me to a point where everything seems so fascinating, every bit of my life seems colourful, and every day is taking me where I wanted to go. I felt like the sun has risen for me the moon appears only for me but these stars their shine makes me remind of all the darkness that can spread/fears things that I have never said. In these colourful days the colourlessness seems so strong the smile may hide the tears but the heart my poor heart! It still beats fast when it knows that u r not fine.... I don’t know what soul connection is.... what's the reality of this.... but the bond the connection that I have with you never seems to be fading away it keeps growing strong and strong because the roots are so deep just like a tree that stands even when all the greenery is gone...whenever writing to you my hands never stop they wana write so much so that this night this day seems so small to do so that but I still write to you thinking that even if u didnt get to the depth of these words my message is still conveying to you...”

Dear Clara
I’m missing you at this particular time. I feel close to no one .May be I m need of no one but what is the gap I feel inside me what about these feelings whom I feel them for. You are not there, you never were there, and you never meant not to be there. I brought u here I let you in. You are so far away just like stars that are fascinating in sight but could never be reached but the very sight of you is enough to keep me going and living my life happily. Everything feels so empty when you remain away even with this emptiness I still feel your love, the imprints you have left on me are so strong that they might be just enough for keep me going ..But there never comes a feeling of “Enough" when it comes to you.
The earth is silent now and world has turned dark. It’s not a place she is talking of it’s her mind where the battle will be battled. I let you to go so deep in me. Now you seem drown somewhere not in my depth but some where else. You made no promise but what is the bond that keeps my binding with you...Its the time when my heart has nothing to feel around, my ears dnt get to hear any voices but these hymns of surroundings, my eyes are wide open but there is no sight I can see may be my vision doesnt allow me to see anything but you. Now I can’t see any thing. My hands have no other hand to hold, no other shoulder to cry on.
There is something still unsaid, still to be unveiled, still to be seek, still to be told ....

Now when I m trying to write my feelings for you there is sudden stillness I feel in my heart. Here in this moment the ticking of clock is so loud that I just put the hands on my ear even then your voice echoes in my head and I bang it on the wall with all the might I have. When I look up and see the shadow on the wall it seems to scatter in thousand images and they all started to howl around me and shackled me with their grip. The room is full of things yet so empty for me. The pictures in the frame seems to vanish away and a colour of black spread everywhere. I m shaking my head madly as if to fool my self that I can get over this. The pages are flying everywhere with the blow of air but I m all sweat. I become numb to feel anything else.
Outside, the sun is shining in the full mirth but here the despair can be seemed everywhere. Pulling my self together I raise my head up and slightly opened my eyes but nothing is changed. I m not able to stand up so I crept towards the door, I look for the door but there is no way out of this. The blood from my head spread all around and I m not able to see clear anymore. The whole scenario of present moment is blur but I can still see you and me walking pass the garden clearly. I lost all my senses in this moment but the sense of remembrances can never be turned off. And then there I listen the flicker of flame in the lamp and it turns the air in the room but it didn't end here.
You and your remembrances are all like these they put me down to a situation that doesnt let me step forward and the mere thought of escaping from your memories shatters me in intense ways.
No matter what worse phases I pass through it is always you who bring in the ray of hope in my life. The flicker of light is you who brings the light in my life but its dwindling motion makes it clear you will not stay here.
                                                                                                    Only yours

                                                                                                        Archer

and the letter wasn’t delivered to her as the one who was supposed to give that to Clara was in love with her and may be this communication gap kills the very essence of their beautiful relationship. The go between took all the letters with him and burned all those letters.  Hence their shared feelings on the paper left in the air and they think it was a fault to complicate things. They lived but they lived separately

(From years Clara had known Archer. One of those happy go lucky boy. There was no contact between just those undelivered letters)

 Clara : He is not not picking up my phone. I need to tell him. I want is so hard.

(She dials his number, the bell rings and just like always no one picks up the call)
Anna:  Mam your breakfast has been served. (Just like many times she didn’t eat)

After some days she tried again and this time someone picks up the phone

Archer: hello! Who is there????
Clara: I just want to know one thing where did you buy those drugs from.
Archer: (coughs) and hung up the call

Clara: “The moments I have spend with you acts like a drug now. They make me numb of the every pain around, hazardous for my future, may put me to the death one day but I can't help remembering it and the idea of leaving it behind made me dead always. To remember you or to forget you both doesn't let me enjoy the happiness.
One day I will stand on the top of a mountain and will yell your name so that may be you can receive the message of nature that how much I loved you and the thunders and storms will make you realize how badly I need you.
May be this is how my life will end.”

Dear Clara,
My love for you is still not over
Haunts in my mind, growls in my heart.
Unhinged, undisturbed, unforgettable past
Leaves me shattered and give me scars.
The paths I strolled with you are now unselfconsciously connected to me
Oh Dear Lover!
Sunsets rise in me the wave of emotion
that sets down with emergence of moon
Life, destiny and thought of eternal fate
all such things never let me to liberate.
Betrayal, love or hate
put my life in stake.
Their may be walls between us, distances among us parted us away.
But the cycle of season give way to unawaken emotions and make me sway.
The air remains still, clock stops for a while.
These same melancholic tears shine in the rain drops and bring melancholic fears
the rest of my life will be passed in shedding tears.
Every sign makes it clear
you are not here.
May be in some farther years you will come here
every symptom will make it clear
I will not be here.

May be you weren't made for me but I keep on waiting for you, keep on wandering in the same dark paths I once followed with you. Each step I took that way it reminds me of a million unremembered remembrances, those thousand unshadowed links I have unselfconsciously developed with you. Breeze is reminding me how smooth it used to flow when u walk this way. Wind whispers and calls me to say how unbearable is it to see me walking this way in severe dismay.
Winter is coming to an end and so will the spring but to my heart that same season of togetherness, those sane uncouth feelings I bear for you never seems to fade away. Where in this world everything is subjected to change some things are still remain permanent. May be this is one of them. The mere utterance of your name makes me sink down and down in heart, just a slight illusion of being with you in utopia makes the heart skip a beat, every time. May be this is the way it will end and so will I. Leaving me shattered, making me feel hollowed, giving me scars, making me full with undying memories but leaving me empty by giving a gift of chaotic nothingness.
End? Never ends.... me, my feelings, my obsessions, my fears, and a spray of around thousand tears. Everything comes to an end when it comes to you but oh my poor heart! It is never you who come but rambling thoughts of you that makes me restless all the day. Your reflections seems so clear in me that it appears vivid to everyone. I have locked up those shadows of yours in my heart that no one can ever reach it but sounds of these shadowy recollections are so loud and strikes so hard in the heart that it burst out, burst out in many different ways that even I didn't know how to hold it all back and move on the same path of patience.

                                                                                                                          Yours beloved

                                                                                                                              Archer

                                     Dear reader maybe at this point of story you will be thinking that what’s the point of writing this all too emotional but some stories are to be embraced. Don’t give up lets end.

Archer once narrated these verses to Clara and this was the point when they both confessed their love for each other. Poetry say I love you more beautiful than these three words.  I wish I could tell how unfelt I feel when the sense of your departure touch my senses. Distances seem nothing when I think of you but when eyes can't see you, the earth seems wide. Voices turn to melodies when I close my eyes and see your smiling face but when I open my eyes and feel your absence it turns to echoes that aches my heart. Flowers seem enchanting, the fragrance they spread, the colour they carry, the delicacy they show, the liveliness they bring, the romance when they dance all of this is now but a trance. Struggles were real when I used to felt you near now you are gone and I m just left alone, under the burden of these incomprehensible emotions I want to dive but only in an ocean full of devotion. May be it is called to be in love. The world teaches me how to behave. Compulsions breeds in me the excuses that are lame and make me feel that to love is to shame but no one knows that emotions couldn't be tamed.
A long span of time has passed, how long does it take to forget someone, may be just one moment, the moment when you find someone better. What if something always stops you from getting close to anyone? What if nothing brings the joy in happiness? What if that some things compels you to think over and over again about the one you aren't certain of? What if the insecurities you bear turn into fears? What if the world see you from his angle but now u r left bereft because he is gone and gone and gone and you poor your you can't prolong this season of togetherness anymore. Is it called to be in love?
You don’t always want to forget someone, sometimes you die to remember those short moments you have spent together, those little quarrels, snatching the bag, unleashing the wrist watch, running towards the other not to call him back but to stop him and make him spend time with you. Waiting to meet everyday just to have a glance of Ur beloved so that heart could its pulse and life feels more lively. Those paths you have walked with them calls you and yells at you to find it all back. The ways and life is same and changed at the same time. See how moon still evokes the notion of emptiness that is filled with serenity. I don’t want to stay away from world but I don’t want the world around me. I feel suffocated under the sky. I feel suffocated with the stream of emotions that are filled in me not for anyone else but for you. To me the world is empty. Have u ever seen a sea?
Yes
how it is full of water but can u feel the emptiness in the rhythm of waves it blew. Empty things make noises so why my pounding heart full of love for you still beats so fast that everyone listen to it in my eyes. Love gives you pain. Love makes u feel alone. But why this love never leave you alone. Among the thousand faces not able to see that one face makes the worst of the days. Habits are soon forgotten and can be changed but if remembering you was a habit...seeing you... listening from you... teasing you ...feeling you around.... was all just a habit then why m I not able to make my self away from thinking about you. How soon spring lost its colour. How soon summer leaves its shines. How easily autumn pass away leaving behind all the devastation. How long winter stay to remind you all of the refreshes of happy times and dejected of unhappy times...
how long can this unknown unnamed season prolong?

to which Clara answers these silences, they have some strange connection with me. Yes, this was a bond of complete silence in my life. As silently as it come they same way it left, silently. I totally enjoyed every bit of that. Now when there are so many voices around so much echoes around I miss those silent moments. Hahn! How hard is to put all silences in words but without words nothing seems much of the worth.
Teasing you was just a way of making you irritate so much so you might say something because there is no other way you will speak to me. And then finally one day you yell at me. I didn't make it happen intentionally and I got much afraid at that time.
I don't know the first impression of YOU,
I don’t even remember when I first talked to you. You have left me with a strange question, I was in search of meaning of life in the discovery of "who I am” and now this who is replaced by” why” and it’s amazing. These distances they change nothing but they don't let anything remain same. I was always precious whenever I talked to you but even then everything I wanted to say comes out of my mouth differently and weirdly and I remember saying things to you that I shouldn't have said to you. Your amazing and intellectual personality confused me every time.
And then you left for always, I tried to respect your decision and it was again things went wrong as always. I just don't want to let you go. Then there was a rumour about your comeback and I tried to connect to you once again because I didn't want to lose my friend. I didn't want you to go away because when you were near there was always a motivation for me to do good to move forward. I didn't want to loose my motivation. Such a knowledgeable person you are and an inspiration for me. I didn't want you to get away with my inspiration. But you take all these things away from me without giving me one chance of saying you a proper goodbye because you know you are cruel, you are brutal, you are mean, you are Angry Bird but more than that you are kind, you are genuine, you are generous and you are the kind of best friend one could ever have. You have shown me a world that is colourful and good but it is just shades of black and white and a coloured fakeness of good. The world isn't as good as you have shown it to me. 

I should have leave things the way they were, untouched. But I m no good in saying goodbyes. I don't want to be sorry for anything because it will make it all look so pathetic and I don't want to pity my memories.

No matter how much the stars wanted to be around moon, moon eventually leaves for an unknown span of time and the stars live in moonless nights covering the darkness of night and shine to light up the world of others.

And they have to say goodbye and continue the way of their lives. 

Cheers to the time we have spent together

And sometimes and some days it felt like he had long been away from you ...it felt like Clara only saw Archer in a dream.... it seems like she had never confronted you.... sometimes only few moments of aparting from him felt like eternities...... he had taken me under your spell ..... Now she don’t want to run.... now she doesn’t feel like crying.... Now she doesn’t feel anything at all.... now I un_see everything..... she over hear the echoes and buried them inside me ...she saw the shadows and make them walk behind her ...... with every passing day and with every passing moment she was learning... she was learning to lose him... she was learning to lose it all away.

I was alone on the roof and walked peacefully towards the terrace. The whole world around was lighted up for some kind of celebration. There was a lot of hustle and bustle around. People were dancing. I was watching it all from the terrace. I shouted and everybody was looking at me and came to rescue me and pacify and then asked me not to cry because they will always be by side. Suddenly the darkness spread around and I opened my eyes and jumped from the fourth floor realizing that there is no one to come to rescue me. I was shouting, I was sobbing and then I jumped.
Sometimes the realities of your being you accept becomes the real you. As I was falling down I realized some people are meant to be alone. Wearing a mask of being a person surrounded by many loved ones, will always be a mask of my personality. The same night the news came that Archer had died in completing a mission during his army services 

Ornamenting me with sacred jewels
Putting into the divine box
Spreading the petals to my face
Making me ready to meet the beloved
Resting is my body
But exciting is my soul
Because it’s my ending day
After a long time patience
A beloved is impatient
Rather in haste
For what these people are waiting to take me to gate
They call it’s my fading day
But it’s my ending day
The crowd is crying because of separation
But the soul is blushing for inclination
Decorating me with flowers
Veiling my face
I am feeling shy to face the people in a large scale
Lifting the emotions elegantly
Carrying me into the deep valley of nothingness
They are willing to come to see me
May be everyday
Resting is my body
Exciting is my soul.